i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
