Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
