Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
