I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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