Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
