Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
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