did you get engaged???
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
