I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
