no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize