I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
