I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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