You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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