His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
