I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
