doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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