Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
