You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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