You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
