No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
