just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
