i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
