It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
