Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
The ass gains better be worth it
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