Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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