I'm jealous of your bromance
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
