hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
