I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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