What did we do last night that was yellow?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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