If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
