In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Randomize
