Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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