it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
