woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize