Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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