Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
