peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
