What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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