Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
