I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
