and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
