She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
