There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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