i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
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