with your own penis?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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