got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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