I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
