Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
