My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
