I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
