420 ftw
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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