I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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