Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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