Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
