Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
