proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
the liver wants what the liver wants
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
