I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
