That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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