after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Randomize
