Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
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