But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
