when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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