Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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