just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Randomize
