He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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