I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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