her facebook's as public as her vagina
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
