Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
