my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
