i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Sorry my hands just texted you
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Randomize
