I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
