Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Randomize
