what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
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