just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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