y did u give ur computer a hand job?
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize