Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
