she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
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