Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
