she takes plan B like it's going out of style
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Randomize
