We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
