oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
How external is "for external use only"?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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