how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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