Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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