i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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