dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
