somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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