So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
