my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I touched a dick in church today
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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