you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
What a dumb baby whore.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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