i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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