Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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