if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
