So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
