now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Randomize
