I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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